Hey everyone, It has been a super long time since I last blogged and I want to sincerely apologize. I had gone through a lot of different things and every time I felt like blogging I just couldn’t find the time or the strength to do so. I also had a really bad case of writer’s block. I wasn’t really quite sure on what to blog about. So with this blog I thought I would start discussing the transformation I realized I had gone through. Hence the title, From Surviving to Mainta

Just a typical Saturday morning. So I thought. It was sunny outside, blistering cold I’m sure, but it was nice to have the sun shine through my bedroom window. Yet, I just didn’t feel right. Something was off. I didn’t feel like myself at all. My forecast for the day, partly sunny with a patch of fog. That’s the life of someone who has PTSD. sometimes we have days where we just feel out of it. Sometimes we know the triggers, other days we can’t seem to grasp what caused us to

It’s a rough road. For those who are going through or have gone through any form of abuse. The task of surviving day to day. As the one enduring the abuse. The unknown of whether or not we will make it out alive. The unknown if we can ever escape. The unknown of what will happen to us if and when we do escape. What will he or she do if they find out? What will happen to me? For those who have children; it ups the ante 100 folds. Why don’t people leave right away? It’s easier

When your biological father doesn’t love you, it cuts you deep. It leaves you vulnerable and weak. Leaving you open to predators Who seek to do nothing but devour you. When your father doesn’t love you It leaves you searching for it in the wrong places. It leaves you craving it. No matter how it is that you taste it. Love is all that you want. Love is all that you long for. To be loved. It is all you dream about. You fall for all the lies. No matter how big or small. You will

I am a survivor. I come with a lot of baggage, I will be first to admit that. Things that don’t bother or set you off, can send me into a whirlwind of emotions for days. PTSD. One of those things I had to learn to live and deal with. It is a part of me. It is not something that just goes away. My past has made me very alert to a lot of things. It is a good thing but also a bad thing. Sometimes I tend to get defensive when there is no need for it. It is as if at times I feel l

A few minutes later she was finally gone. Out of hell she escaped. Without nothing, not even a scrape. The butterfly had found an opening in the window. And started to fly towards a better tomorrow….. On to brighter days she thought to herself, Not knowing that there would be new obstacles. These obstacles would be different though. The obstacles of the mind. She wanted all memories erased. Unfortunately she realized this would not be the case. It took a long time for her to

The residue of you. It doesn’t take much to remember the pain of you. The first man I loved. My first hero. My first heart break. You are the reason for a lot of my firsts, but you were never a part of many of the important ones. Shit, you never even came to my graduation ceremony they held for 6th graders going on to junior high. You sent your girlfriend. You replaced your children with whatever bullshit you felt was more important to you at the time. The residue of you, is

She was lost in her own hell. Barely holding on. She thought she knew better than to sleep with the devil. His lies kissed her lips and she was gone. His masked disguise left her blind. Her strength and courage was sucked right out of her. She was a dead woman walking. Scared to cry out for help. Scared to run away. She held back her tears and carried on each day. Not knowing how much more she could take. Not knowing if tomorrow she would awake. Walking on eggshells. Plotting

Have you ever wondered why? Why he or she covers up the lies? Why he or she doesn’t just leave? Why he or she cannot see what you see? Have you ever tried to understand? Walk in his or her shoes if you can? Ever think of the dangers that are at hand? Do you realize the mental control that is in place? Do you know the things that he or she must face? Do you know what is possibly at stake? How much careful planning it all takes? Before judging and assuming, before victim bashin

One morning she woke up different. Done with trying to figure out who was with her, against her or walking down the middle because they didn’t have the guts to pick a side. She was done with anything that didn’t bring her peace. She realized that opinions were a dime a dozen. Validation was for parking. Loyalty wasn’t a word but a lifestyle. It was this day that her life had changed. Not because of a man. Or a job. But because, she had finally realized that life is way too sh

It has been in my head for a while to blog about domestic violence and mental health. I know I have touched on P.T.S.D. in a previous blog (P.T.S.D. and its triggers) , but what about depression, suicidal ideations and substance abuse? Those of us who have experienced the aftermath of the psychological effects of domestic violence know all too well about how the trauma affects us on a daily basis. Depending on the severity and duration of the abuse, some may “bounce back” fas

I was looking for a video to post while I finish writing a blog I am working on and came upon these videos. The domestic Violence Summit 2014 hosted on the Dr. Phil Show. It is a seven-part series and I just had to share them with you. Let’s raise awareness. Let’s connect. Let’s Inspire and Let’s Come Together! #domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #Teens #knowledgeispower #inspire #Informative #strength #DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth #encourage #awareness #Discussion #TeenDatin

As you all know from my previous blog, I have started writing my book. It’s really hard, remembering details from my childhood as well as details from my relationship. I must admit I’ve already shed some tears and this is just the beginning of the book. Remembering things I worked so hard to erase or cover up. To bring them back to the forefront has been difficult at times. Some things I actually did completely block out of my mind and couldn’t really write in complete detail

Why didn’t you leave sooner? Why did you let him get away with it? Why did you stay? Why didn’t you fight back? Why Why Why Why Why. As survivors, we get asked the WHY’s far too much! We know it isn’t necessarily intentional, but sometimes all those why’s make us feel worse than we may already feel. When we do get away from the abuse, we are already asking ourselves the same why’s and sometimes we ourselves do not yet know the answers. It isn’t just the question, but it is th

I’m safe. Where I am going he cannot find me. He cannot hurt me anymore. I’m safe. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. I know I’m safe. But will he find me? Things are so weird now. I know I can’t go back. But I miss him. I miss him? Am I crazy? I miss who he was in the beginning. Was that really him? What did I do wrong? What did I do to make him hate me so much? Why did he do all those things to me? Was I not good enough? Was I not pretty enough? Not smart enough? I gave everything up

Hey all, so I am in the works of creating a newsletter.  I am planning on starting it in September, I thought that would be a great time since it is the 1 year anniversary of my blog page. On my page I have the subscription sign-up on there, I want to focus on gaining subscribers now while I work on newsletters and continue educating myself with creating them, I have a couple in the works already. This newsletter is a monthly newsletter focusing on encouraging, inspiring, and

Follow my blog with Bloglovin JOIN ME ALONG WITH OTHER SURVIVORS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AS WE COME TOGETHER AND UNITE! SHARING OUR EXPERIENCES, OFFER ADVICE ON THINGS WE HAVE GONE THROUGH AND HOW WE GOT THROUGH THEM, AND EVEN SHARE SOME LAUGHS! THIS IS ALL ABOUT SURVIVORS COMING TOGETHER, TALKING WITH THOSE WHO UNDERSTAND WHAT WE HAVE GONE THROUGH OR WHAT WE ARE NOW GOING THROUGH. SINCE I STARTED BLOGGING; I MADE SOME AWESOME CONNECTIONS WITH SOME AMAZING PEOPLE. THEY ENCOURAGE

Follow my blog with Bloglovin Like the photo that coincides with this blog: ” I have battled my whole life to become the strong woman I am today…” My father abandoned us after my mother divorced him. My stepfather passed from cancer. I was in an abusive relationship. As well as dealt with alcoholism and other obstacles in my life. Through the small obstacles to the larger ones, I successfully fought my way through. At times I just had to jump over a hurdle, other times I had